In the Midst of an Attack That bible verse wasn't very helpful

The Battle with Fear Part 2

This is a followup to my last article on how my wife and I were attacked by the spirit of fear. I am a man of my word so here is Part Two. Also, I apologize for misspellings and grammar issues. This was written in a rush to prepare for a hurricane hitting my area.

Be safe and be blessed.

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A man shouldn’t be afraid of the dark. You grow into and out of this fear as you get into adulthood where you travel in and out of the dark regularly. Adults learn that new things aren’t always scary. Sometimes they are exciting. The things we can’t see aren’t always fun but we brave them anyway.

Bravery is the skill an adult should be honing every day. We adults use bravery to go to work every day. We use it to drive on the road. If you are in Florida you really are brave when driving. the feeling of fear is surmountable in many cases.

As a 23-year-old man, the fear of the dark wasn’t surmountable for me. Prior to getting married, having children, and kneeling down to propose to my wife, I was going to and from work, about as innocently as possible. I was unassuming and nothing special. I had no astounding bravery or great acts to speak of. Just boring Evan.

Boring Evan, a little bit of a wimp, would take melatonin every night to fall asleep quickly for fear that fear would stare back at him from the darkest corner of his room.

Sounds rediculous to even type the words now almost a decade later. I was scared of the dark till I was 23-years-old.

Do you know what the bible fundamentalist parents of mine said?

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7 NLT

While feeling fear creep up my toes, crawling across my legs, and holding my arms down, that bible verse didn’t seem very helpful.

Nighttime was the worst time for me. While in college I would work overnight shifts at Starbucks. Work started at 8pm. Work ended at 6am. I would drive home from work just in time to be greeted by the sun, my sleeping companion.

Many mornings, I would get home and stop by the freezer to gulp down some plastic bottle of liquor as a morning night cap sending me away to the land of rest. I’m just kidding, we kept the glass bottle booze in the freezer.

Maybe puff or two of some sweet sweet nicotine and I’d be out like a light till 12 or 1 pm.

After that life revealed absolutely nothing of value, I moved home to live with my parents, as some of you know. From there, upstairs, I would do any and everything to avoid being awake before being asleep. I didn’t want to dose off, I didn’t want to count sheep.

I wished for a switch to just turn me off as soon as the light went out. I wished I didn’t have to see the darkness in my room. However, as time went on, and I was searching for more meaning, I found myself reading the bible more and wanting to talk to God.

“If you made me then you would want to talk to me,” was my thesis. So I tried to talk to God and there’s a whole story there behind that for another time.

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Night One

I was doing the routine before bed one night: Shower, brush my teeth, get clothes out for tomorrow, and grab two tablets of melatonin. As soon as they fell into the palm of my hand I was stopped, “Do you trust those pills more than me?” God was asking me a question.

I responded, “No.” (Profound, right?)

I knew this was a “test” so I put the pills back, turned the lights off, and got in bed.

“This is what God wanted so He is going to protect me.” I thought so solemnly.

God didn’t send an angel, He didn’t shine a beautiful light on my head, and no booming voice put me at peace. It was dark and I was scared. It felt like a cruel trick till I fell asleep.

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The next day I woke up. I was alive and annoyed. I read some of the Bible, admittently I didn’t want to in spite of God. Then, as if nothing happened, I went about my normal day.

Then, like I shouldn’t be surprised, the sun went down.

Night Two

The time of night for sleep approached and I shrank inside myself. Something was a little different. I wanted to put the Bible to the test a little more.

I went about the usual routine: Shower, brush my teeth, get clothes out for tomorrow, and grab two tablets of melatonin. As soon as they fell into the palm of my hand I was stopped, “Do you trust those pills more than me?” God was asking me a question.

I responded, “No.” (Still profound, right?)

I put the pills away and went to my room but didn’t turn the light off, I read Psalms. I would have rather been a 6-year-old boy waking my dad up to tell him I was scared. That would have made me feel a ton better. I wanted someone to take the fear away.

After reading myself tired, I turned off the lights, my head hit the pillow, and I was freaked out. I felt that same cold I felt on my bad once as a child. I was too afraid to move and barely able to breathe. Fear was present with me and knew him well but was still wishing for someone to save me.

Then, I fell asleep.

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I woke up feeling hoodwinked. God is asking me to trust Him but where is He? “If no one is going to save me then I’ll save myself.” I thought. I was angry and ill-equipped. I had to figure out what to do about this terrible problem that plagued my rest. I did what I normally do at these times, research.

First I had to acknowledge a few things.

1. I am being overcome with fear while trying to sleep, as a 23-year-old man. This isn’t a normal fear. This felt more like a being focusing on me which makes this spiritual.

2. If this is spiritual then I have to fight fire with fire. Spiritual with spiritual. What does the bible say and how do I use it?

3. I am going all in tonight, if this doesn’t work then God and I are going to have some issues to sort out.

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A Plan is Better than No Plan

This was my Fear battle plan: Read the bible and find the “key” to fighting back. The best I could do was the passage below.

Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

Ephesians 6:11-18 NLT

I would try to provide a brief explanation of the piece of the armor but that would take a lot of words and I’m rapidly approaching my max word count here for you.

What I most importantly want to point out is the amount of time you read a call to action in that set of verses. In addition, the number of times you see the call to action followed by equipping statements.

Back to the story

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Night Three

Sun went down, you know how it goes. Dred fills me to the top of my head. But I was motivated to win this time. I was spending all my time reading and trying to understand the Bible. I listened to worship music, but honestly, I don’t think that helped at all. That was me doing the “Christian” thing.

When bedtime had come around I didn’t feel ready in my body where the fear could be felt most.

I turned the lights out to go to sleep, got in bed, closed my eyes, and attempted to drift off to sleep.

My eyes shot open shortly after. I thought I heard something. I could be sure but my eyes scanned the room even in the darkest corners. The darkness was almost tangible like being in Florida with 99% all day long. The darkness was thicker.

Instead of being afraid, I was mad. “Look you little s*&#. Come out and show me who you are or I’m going to sleep.”

Two little eyes reflecting light from my window shown in the dark.

Maybe this was something in my room reflecting light but I hadn’t seen it like eyes before now.

I went to battle that night and won. I rebuked the spirit, pleaded the blood over my room, prayed, and thanked God for authority. All the things I read about.

What happened? I took authority. What did God do? He challenged me to learn how to fish instead of giving me a fish.

We think God saving us means God will rescue you from everything. That’s not supported anywhere in the bible. God is looking for Priests and Priestesses but also Warriors. Learn to fight with the authority God gave you instead of waiting around for God to save you from everything. This is how your relationship with God will mature, quickly.

Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive.

Jeremiah 29:122-14 NLT